Pictures of Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter are making its way around the web. Depp is starring as the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s adaption of Alice in Wonderland. If it was 2002 I would be excited about this. But after seeing Tim Burton destroy Willy Wonka I can’t help but think Alice in Wonderland is doomed. Also, I use to enjoy the look of Tim Burton’s films but now there just old and tired. Anyway, I bet Depp is going to be great in the part.
To help bring it some extra income, our pumpkin, Ken is offering gum jobs for $1.99…exact change only!
Seriously, I think it’s time to toss the thing. It’s just so hard to say goodbye.
“It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.”
It’s like Boyz II Men are speaking directly to me and Pump Ken.
I make it a point not to post reviews on here. I don’t share the same opinions that many people have so I’m left explaining why I thought something sucked. It got to the point of people always saying”Rob, What did you think…oh I bet you thought it sucked”. I’m so sorry I think Resident Evil and the Britney Spears’ Crossroads were a complete waste of time. Now if I’m asked I just shrug and make a half smile. It got old defending why I don’t love the shitty movies in the world. But the time has come for me to break my silence. There is a movie so bad that I don’t think anyone should ever see and it’s my duty to let you know…Max Payne completely sucks balls.
I got to see it last Friday…and I wish I could get that time back. But let me back up a bit. I saw M. Night Shamalyan’s (or something. too lazy to look up spelling) The Happening not too long ago and it had the worst performances I’ve ever seen outside of a porn film. Well, that was until now. Mark Wahlberg’s performance in both films is laughable. There were a few times in Max Payne I thought I was watching one of the scenes from Boogie Nights where they were recreating filming a scene for a porn. I can imagine Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Chris O’Donnell, and Beau Bridges are probably cringing when watch this film. Now I went into this movie knowing that it was based on a video game and probably wasn’t going to be Oscar worthy but I was hopeful for some good action scenes. After all, the game the movie is based on has some of the best gun fights in any media next to John Woo movies. Sadly, John Moore failed to bring even an ounce of that action to the screen, falling flat on its face. You could probably find better gun fights on your local news. From start to finish the movie is just a mess. We already have one director, Uwe Boll, destroying video games transitions to film we don’t need another.
If you go to see the movie and want to waste more time, wait for the end of the credits for a scene that setups a sequel…*cry* please god…why?!?!
Back in August I participated in a BBQ Cookoff for my company’s diversity day for men (What’s more diverse than playing to male stereotypes? We had BBQ and Beer, the only thing we were missing were strippers). I was asked if I wanted to do the cook off and quickly said “eh, maybe”. That maybe really meant no I don’t want to do it but I rather not sound like all the other douches and say no. So I choose to be the douche that said maybe.
What sound does a douchey toilet make…doooouuuucccchhheeee!
Next thing I know I’m on the email chain for brainstorming for our team’s menu.
We had 7-8 people on our initial team, with 3 of them being so-called “BBQ Bad Asses”. Having these three people on the same team was like, damn cliches, having too many cooks in the kitchen. We gotten nothing accomplished in our first meeting because 1 person was set on making ribs, the other “made a great tasting brisket”, and the third BA had a scientific formula for making the best brisket. The rest of us on the team, me included, were in the mindset of helping out when needed and chilling out.
The whiny bitch of the bad asses (I can call them whiny bitches because I actually like these guys) started coming out. One was like “I’m making my brisket!” and the other “I don’t know how I fit in with this team, I want to feel like I can contribute something”. Uh oh…someone better call the Wahhhhhhhh-bulance!
The organizer for our organization made the chose to split the team into two, each having 3 cooks. Even though I fought it at first, in the long run it turned out awesome. Each time would be responsible for submitting a brisket, ribs, sauce, and a wildcard item. For our team I volunteered for the sauce and wildcard since no else seemed to want them. For the wildcard, I would make my Cochinita Pibil and the sauce I would ask my Mom for advice.
Besides hanging around cooking up cows there was another plus about the cookoff. It took place on Thursday from 5am-4:30pm…meaning I didn’t have to work just smell the sweet smell of burning cow and pig flesh. I love the smell of burning cow flesh in the morning!
I have made the cochinita pibil enough times to not really think twice about what I was going to do about it. The only thing different in this case was cooking it on a grill and not in the oven. We just had to maintain the temperature and it was all good, son. For the sauce, I was a little lost not having ever made anything before. I turned to the internet for some research and asked my mom, the bad ass chef, for recommendations. She emailed me a tomato based sauce that looked pretty good. We picked up the ingredients and cooked it up pretty quick…30 minutes or so. The end result was pretty good but it was way too smoky tasting, a result of the liquid smoke the recipe called for. When you’re in a Texas BBQ cook off, which entails smoking your meat, there isn’t really a need for your sauce to have a smoky flavor. So I decided to make the sauce again with just a drop of the liquid smoke. This time it came out tasting of heaven, if heaven was a place covered with sweet tomato based bbq sauce. This time around I also decided to try my hand at a Apple Cider vinegar based sauce. The best way to describe the taste of this one is like being stuck in hell and having to toss Rush Limbaugh’s salad after he was done eating a Mexican dinner.
Even though I wasn’t a fan of the second sauce I decided to take them both to the team and let them decide. They were both in agreement for the tomato based one.
I didn’t have any expectations going in to the cook off. I was just looking to learn a thing or two about bbq’ing and hang out with some good peeps. But something bad ass happened…I won second place with the BBQ sauce. My first time ever in a cook off and I pick up second place…second out of 11. Boo Yah! Rob Prudhomme up in this mutha! Sir Robbie Rob kicked it up a notch…Bam!!! Anyone want my autograph?
The pibil also got a ton a compliments and people were really interested in the process of preparing it. Hearing everything people were saying about it I thought it might place something in the wild card portion but it didn’t happen. Our team also took 2nd place with our ribs. The team made up of a guy with a scientific formula for brisket and two guys that wanted to hang out, took home two trophies. Pimp!
I kind of want to study up on smoking meats…wait I mean cooking cows through smoking. Not sucking on man meat. Even though this was just a small taste of cooking competition I would like to try a full out one. It could be some serious fun.
The time has finally come to say goodbye to Austin. This is something I wanted to post on Wednesday, the day we left, but we had to deal with some last minute problems. We packed up the truck on Wednesday morning and were on the road by the afternoon. The first night we stopped off in Monroe, Louisiana and stayed in a La Quinta. Ehhh I shiver with disgust just thinking about it. I would have slept better if I was on a cold slab in the middle of an artic storm. My skin itches just thinking about the dump. Thursday was a loooong day. We got on the road about 7:30 in the morning and called it quits sometime about 11 or 12. I can’t remember becaused we crossed the timezone change. We ended up in Kannapolis, NC in a Econolodge. I normally wouldn’t have stayed there but I was dead tired and just wanted somewhere to sleep. 5 hour energies can only take you so far. Friday, around noon, we arrived at our new home in Cary, North Carolina. Going into the apartment we were nervous as we signed a 12 month lease without seeing the apartment. Our decision was based purely on the reviews we read online. Luckily, the place is beautiful and spacious. Alev even says she likes it better than our house. Boo yah!
We’re going to miss Austin more than I can describe. In my mind I kept telling myself the move was still far out that way I wouldn’t think about it. But I couldn’t do that anymore when our last day came around. When I was talking to people I would start feeling real weepy, even when talking to people I don’t care much for. I said my goodbyes to my co-workers, at least the ones I cared to, after my team took me out to lunch. I’m hoping we can get back into Austin a few times a year. I lived there longer than anywhere else in my life. It’s a huge part of me and I will always have a special place in my pants for it. Oh Yeah!
Goodbye Austin. Hello Cary!! Woo Woo!
Man, I can’t believe how much I haven’t blogged this month. I have had a ton of stuff I wanted to post but we’ve had a lot going on. It also doesn’t help that I pretty much turned off my brain two weeks ago. When I get home I sit my ass on the couch and stare mindlessly into the TV for a few hours. It was cool for a few days but now it kind of sucks. Anyway, it’s almost time to say goodbye to Austin and hello to Raleigh. I can’t wait to get this move over with.
To the entrecard folks, sorry I haven’t dropped hardly anything in awhile. Things have been hectic and I haven’t been spending too much time on the computer. After the move I will get back on the ball.
Peace out.
Am I the only person that thought Elton John’s Tiny Dancer was a song about Tony Danza? Realizing that it wasn’t totally blows my mind.
This post has been long overdue.
Well, you know that itch that I scratched a few months back? (no? Then update yourself homeslice: link) I don’t think I scratched it well enough because we ending up buying a 2008 Harley Davidson XL1200N Nightster. When we were looking around, I was looking for the Baby Blue/Black nightster. I soon realized I’m not quite that comfortable with my sexuality to pull it off. Instead, I went with the colors that I’ve been drooling over since first seeing the bike, Orange and Black. B-E-A-utiful! I can’t wait till we get settled in North Carolina and I can hit the roads. I’m fully the expecting the rides out there to be purrrty.
There are still a few things I need to do to fully transition into my Harley owner status. One, I need to start working on getting that leathery skin look. That means I need to rub myself down with baby oil and ride around in a wife beater. When my skin has the consistency of beef jerky I’m good to go. Second, I need to get some official jailhouse ink. I don’t want some poser ink, so I’m going to get myself arrested and sent to prison. Then I will do unpleasant things to get my Jailhouse bitch ink. Third, not really needed for Harley owners but doesn’t hurt, I will be getting a license plate with ‘PNS EXT‘. Everyone will know I’m riding a Harley to overcompensate for my tiny package.
It will be an awesome journey!
Sir Robbie Rob the “The Leathery Skin Harley Owner” is out! Peace!
We are back from our weekend trip down to South Padre Island, where we went to do some deep sea fishing. The whole weekend was a blast besides coming down with a full blown cold.
When I posted about leaving town we were already on the road. We left Austin on Friday around 6PM and arrived in South Padre around 2AM. By the time we got everything unpacked and settled in, it was closer to 3AM and we had to be at the boat by 7AM.
When I laid down for our little nap, I noticed my throat was feeling a little raw. By the time I woke up it felt 10 times worse and know my sinuses joined in on the fun. I thought for sure it was the hotel room. The place smelled like one big moldy dish towel. Part of me was wishing it would get better after leaving the room. It didn’t, but…it was considerate enough to not get worse until after we were done fishing.
I don’t fish very often and I don’t think I’ve caught anything…ever. But I went into our little trip wanting to catch a shark. I was obsessed with the idea of catching one and clubbing it to death…with a wiffle bat. Not sure where this idea came from but the image I have in my head is a funny one. Close your eyes and imagine it. It would take you days maybe even weeks, assuming the shark you caught evolved quickly enough to breathe outside of water, and that’s only if it didn’t managed to gnaw off a limb. That’s probably one of those thoughts I should have kept to myself. hmmmm. eh. Moving along.
We left the dock sometime around around 7:30. We traveled some two hours before we dropped our lines for the first time. Right away, two guys on the boat managed to pull in some nice sized kingfish. After that catch, we went awhile and no one caught anything. When the spot had no activity for awhile the captain would move to another one. We repeated this all day long. Sharon was the first one in our group to catch something, another kingfish. Shortly after, Alev caught her fish. In helping her reel it in I tripped over the anchor and fell on my ass, felt so awesome. It was getting late in the day, Eric and I hadn’t manage to catch anything. But in a moment of staring into space my line got a bite!! Just getting the bite would have made my trip. That felt like progress after not having one all day. I reeled it in pretty easily, except there were a few times I thought I lost it. I pulled in another kingfish. At the end of the day, Eric didn’t manage to get any bites. I think he was a little bummed about it. He didn’t have a full day of fishing though. He and I ate some pretty shady breakfast tacos before getting on the boat. As we headed out to sea he started getting sea sickness. He slept it off, but missed a good portion of the trip.
A classic picture of Sharon with her catch.
I’m holding up Alev and I’s catch. I had the biggest catch of the day. Woo Hoo!
We got the charter place to clean the fish and cut into filets. After wards, we took some of the filets to a local restaurant to get cooked up. We had it fried and blackened. The blackened was by far the best, the best blackened fish I’ve had in a long time. Big props to the chef at Amberjacks.
The whole trip was awesome. I wish it would have been longer and we could have done some more fishing. But I guess it worked out just right. By Saturday night I was in full blown head cold mode. When I woke up on Sunday, I could have used my phlem to paint a nice glow in the dark painting for myself.
Yeah, you read that right. That’s how I roll.
Good Times!
Wheeee, I have finally caught a freakin’ fish! I think I’m ready to start fishing in some tournaments. I’m that effin good. One fish, a big ass one at that, in 28 years! Beat that you professional douches.
Sir Robbie Rob the “Bad ass fisherman” is out. Peace.
We are currently on our way down to South Padre with Sharon and Eric. Tomorrow we will be going out on the Gulf for some deep sea fishing! I will be putting my mad fishing skills to work. I fully expect to catch a great white shark…then I will club it to death. I need to practice my clubbing skills for that trip down to Antartica…look out baby seals!
Have a good weekend!
© 2004 - 2012 Rob Mitchell
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